Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Rebuilding Dundee

You will note that I have of late been providing you with detailed descriptions and pictorial representations of several Dundee landmarks. Because of this recent diversion, one reader has written to me (for some of my readers can also write) to ask me if I am trying to do for Dundee what James Joyce did for Dublin. By that I assumed that my correspondent meant that I might eventually have several walking tours around the city named after me, but this was not the case. Of his populist trash Ulysses, James Joyce apparently boasted, "I want to give a picture of Dublin so complete that if the city one day suddenly disappeared from the earth it could be reconstructed out of my book". My correspondent wondered if I intended something similar for Dundee with my electronic diary.

Of course, I sent that reader a vicious and abusive reply telling her to mind her own business and not to be so damned nosy in future. After a while, however, I began to worry about what might happen if Dundee did suddenly disappear from the earth, and all that the architects and planners had to go on was the information contained in my electronic diary. Clearly, they would be unable to make much headway on the project.

Thus, to help those builders, and to best Mr Joyce and his lowbrow penny dreadful, I will begin to use this electronic diary to furnish the reader with detailed topographical information about the streets of Dundee.

Today for example, I walked from East Whale Lane to Euclid Crescent. First, I departed from East Whale Lane by turning left into the Seagate where I walked for approximately 0.01 miles (0.02km) before bearing left for a further 0.05 miles (0.08km), then I crossed at the Marketgait roundabout and bore left for 0.05 additional miles (0.08km). At this point, I turned right into Sugarhouse Wynd which I strolled along for 0.06miles (0.1km) before turning left into the Cowgate. There I ambled for 0.09miles (0.14km) until the street became Panmure Street. I walked along Panmure Street for 0.13miles (0.21km) then bore left for 0.03 miles (0.05km), where I successfully turned right into Euclid Crescent.

Here is a map for further information:

That should be enough for the builders to make a start if Dundee should disappear tonight.


Groanin' Jock said...

For your next report on the streets of Dundee, can you please record the exact dimensions of Nethergate and, more specifically, Grouchos, so that if the apocalypse does come and wipe the fair city from the map, its only good record store can be lovingly recreated? It would also be helpful if you could make a full list of Grouchos' stock, so that we know exactly how many copies of Kajagoogoo's seminal 1983 opus "White Feather" to source whilst filling the recreated store's shelves.

Anonymous said...

Horton - James Joyce in Ulysses did not just provide street directions. Why do I get the feeling you've somehow missed the point? :rolleyes:


Unfortunately, I have decided that detailed topographical information about the streets of Dundee is not what my readership craves, so will refrain from providing such a service in future.

However, let the record stand that Groucho's currently stocks 4 copies of Kajagoogoo's 'White Feather', which will need to be resourced if Dundee suddenly vanishes from the face of the planet.