Sunday, March 09, 2008

I am cured

Dearest readers, after the majority of my week was spent being cruelly brutalized by male nurse Pugg Muckle in a particularly uncomfortable place (the television lounge), I have subdued the tawdry throng of doubts jostling for attention in my troubled mind, bolstered my resolution, and decided to take the Bhujeum pills at last. I can stand this asylum no longer: I must be free, and if this is the only way in which I can bring about my emancipation, then so be it. My intention is to take the prescribed dosage of pills for but a short time so that I might convince Dr. Fell that I am 'cured'. After I have won my freedom, I will refrain from partaking of the pills and all will be well.

As I type these words I have before me the bottle of Bhujeum pills, which if taken, promise to make all my troubles softly and suddenly vanish away. Almost at once, my determination is rent by treacherous doubts. I do not know if I am brave enough to go through with this task. The idea that my personality, my soul, will also softly and suddenly vanish away, is one that punctuates my thoughts and appends the prefix 'in' to my decision.

I will do this. I shall do this. A pang, almost physical, strikes at my heart. I cannot do this. I shall not do this. And yet I must. I will.

Readers, I have placed two Bhujeum pills upon my tongue and will shortly swallow them. Tears are welling up in my eyes for I am overcome with emotion. Unaccountably, I feel as though I am about to be severed in some way. This is surely the wrong decision.

Readers, I have swallowed the pills. I await metamorphosis.

Nothing has happened. I feel no different.

I feel betrayed and sit passive, sunk in a lethargy of sorrow.

That last sentence looks odd to my eyes. It seems a bit wordy. What I should say is that I guess I feel kinda sad that nothing's really happened to me, you know? The pills haven't had any effect.
Here's me - the same Horton Carew as always. No different. Don't feel like anything's changed. This whole pill thing's pretty much been a total failure. Which really sucks.

Jeez, when I read over this blog post, I can kinda see why I haven't been getting many readers, you know? It's sort of like longwinded in style and takes yonks to come to the point. How's this for messing with your head, but I don't even like recognise myself in this post. What was I thinking writing in that weird old-fashioned way for Christ's sake? Hmm, well I guess maybe Dr. Fell and Dr. Gland have been right and there has been something wrong with me. God, this is so freaky!

Well, guess I'll go and have a word with Dr. Fell. Sure he'll be able to keep me right.


Anonymous said...

Dear God man, what have you done?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

This was predicted in the book of Revelations was it not? This is the End of Days.

We no longer have reason to live.

A Nony Mouse said...

Have you become American, Horton my old chum?

Jack said...

Hello, Horton -- I had some difficulty making out what you were saying in the latter part of your post. Perhaps you could rephrase it in more felicitous language?

Groanin' Jock said...

This is a most unfortunate turn of events Horton.

the bat said...

Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop.