Sunday, March 02, 2008

I take the pills

Readers, as you know I am fully committed to the idea of making this electronic interactive, so I have posed a question regarding my life which I have left in your capable hands. Once more, I see that the majority of my readers wish for me to take the pills. Yet again, this was the wrong decision.

As genuine interactivity necessitates me doing precisely what the readers vote for even if it was not part of my original plan or imagined narrative trajectory, I am obliged to do exactly what you have voted for. Thus, I must set the poll again until you vote for the correct response, which is "Do not take the pills".

However, I suppose that the results will once again favour "Take the pills" and I recognise that I cannot go on setting these polls indefinitely, because I am desperate to flee this place and all this humming and hawing (and unrealted heaving) is merely wasting precious time. Thus, I propose a compromise.

My solution is this: I will pretend to Dr. Fell and to those malicious readers who wish for me to take the pills, that I have taken the pills, then pretend that I am suitably 'cured' for Dr. Fell to sign my release papers. Then I will be free.

My pretence will begin at once...

I have swallowed two bhujeum pills as per the instructions on the bottle. I feel a grinding in the bones, deadly nausea, and a horror of the spirit that cannot be exceeded at the hour of birth or death. These agonies swiftly subside. Now I feel younger, lighter, happier in body. I know myself, at the first breath of this new life, to be cured. I stretch out my hands, exulting in the freshness of these sensations. I am cured! I am cured!

Now I will contact Dr. Fell and convince him that I can be released.


Anonymous said...

You are the sanest man on the internet. I am psoitive your ruse will succeed.

Dave said...

This clearly won't work. You should've taken the pills properly.