Friday, April 04, 2008

A Plan for Revenge is Hatched

My dearest and most obstreperous of readers, my plan to exact revenge on Dr. Fell has been hatched. I feel it must needs be severe because he tinkered with my soul, which is a serious offence.

My scheme involves all manner of grisly activities but ultimately ends in his death at my hands. Doubtless you are shocked and outraged because you do not think me capable of such a heinous act. I am morally good as you know, but I believe my cause is a righteous one. I think I will be able to go through with it.

Being subject to unspeakable tortures during my time as an inmate of Dundee's Home for the Irretrievably Demented, I have become hardened. Murder is no longer a great taboo.

Below is a sketch of an instrument I have designed with which I will torture Dr. Fell. It should be obvious what its function is.


Girders said...

What is the purpose of the phallus next to the Irn-Bru?


Dear Girders,

You are possessed of a vulgar mind. What you believe to be some manner of dildo is in reality a pencil (2H) fixed upright in plasticine.

Horton Carew