Continued Electronic Spelunking

I find myself short-tempered and impatient to an intolerable degree. I have been playing this damned 'computer game' consistently for many, many hours, and have consequently developed a legion of ulcerous sores all over my legs through lack of movement and impingement of blood circulation.

I can get no further than a cavern called 'Eugene's Lair' populated by toilets that are somehow imbued with sentience. When I collect all the required flashing objects, a bespectacled egg man (presumably the titular 'Eugene') begins to glow and at once moves to block my path to the level's egress. I wish the game allowed my character, Miner Willy, to carry some form of automatic firearm, for then the cretinous Eugene would pay with his life.

I must keep trying, though I risk Deep Vein Thrombosis. Perhaps there exists a way that I might cheat the system using a computer virus or some such. I must not let Sir Peter Ustinov down.