I have just returned from the stationer W.H.Smith in the Overgate Centre and I bring with me good news. The shop opened at 8:30am, so I stood outside the centre from 3:00am to ensure that I secured a good place in the queue. As it transpired, no queue formed and I was the only person in the shop when the doors were eventually flung open by a bespectacled youth ready for the morning's business.
At once I handed the teenager my £5.00 book token and made it clear to him that I would brook no insolence.
"Sir, I present to you this token: kindly exchange it for the prize that is my due. Note that I will not allow myself to be subjected to any trials or tests - I am more than worthy. This quest was alloted to me by Ustinov himself," I said.
The youth replied in an American mode of speech.
"Uhh...okaaaay...sure...whatever," he said. I felt a wave of rage shudder through my shoulders, spurring me to strike the youth with the back of my hand, but I restrained myself.
"Give me my due," I growled, raising my arms in a pose that I remember Dennis the Menace once adopting when he sought to intimidate Walter the softie.
The ill-bred fellow rolled his eyes and repeated his mantra, "Uhh..whatever", then handed me a paperback book from a display near the door. It was I Know You Got Soul by Jeremy Clarkson. I thanked the youth and kicked his shin.
I will now read I Know You Got Soul by Jeremy Clarkson, in order to penetrate its mysteries.
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