Sunday, January 29, 2006

Uncle Joe Appears

I do not know whether or not the events of today bode well for the future. I should begin by stating candidly that I am a coward and a broken man. I made no effort to venture outdoors to face the gulls, electing instead to hide in the loft inside a box of childhood board games.

Squatting uncomfortably within such cramped conditions has led to the little Scottie Dog from Monopoly becoming embedded in my thigh, which is vexing and intolerable to me. I have tried to gouge it out with a potato peeler, but have enjoyed no success.

As I stood in the kitchen lamenting the miniscule dog in my leg, I felt a qualm in my loins and turned around to see that the pixelated gulls had somehow made their way into the hall. Being two-dimensional, it is possible they flitted through gaps in the brickwork.

At once they began to blur into each other, a seething mass of coalescing pixels that wouldn't have cost very much if it were a special effect. They merged slowly into the form of an imposing and majestic gentleman who looks exactly like the corporate character 'Uncle Joe' who produces 'Uncle Joe's Mint Balls' and exudes the same menace.

I have fled to my room and barricaded the door. Meanwhile, Uncle Joe calls to me, "Come out Horton, come out Horton". I am frightened.

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