Sunday, March 12, 2006

Lost Days and an Attack on my Person

My patient readers, I have a confusing series of misadventures to relate. On thursday, I awoke feeling cheerful and gay, and left my home in order to procure food - I fancied that gelatine, or at least pectin, would satiate me.

A strange and inexplicable event happened as I made my way into the centre of Dundee. A rough woman approached me in the Blackscroft area and at once I was appalled by the state of her crude accoutrements and coarse demeanour. Her chief faults were the appearance of dried egg around her lips and an unnerving pallor that served only to highlight the crop of sores that peppered her countenance. I shudder to recall her.

She began to recount an obviously fabricated tale designed to extract monetary gain from me, her 'dupe'. She claimed that her baby had been born inside-out and that she needed money for to catch a bus to Ninewells hospital to visit the creature, and that she would also be grateful for any spare change I might offer towards buying a Teletubby doll for the child, or some damn thing.

Of course I refused, and spat upon her in order to communicate my distaste. At beholding my phlegm upon her lapel, she flew into a rage, and a burly gentleman of similar social standing appeared from behind a building where he had been watching the unfolding events. Together they roughed me up, and battered me to a limp, wheezing pulp.

The rough thug produced a long and intimidating breadknife and proceeded to stab at me some 18 or 19 times in the chest, and some 12 times in the face. I lost consciousness, and, presumably expired. Nothing else can I remember.

Today I woke up in my bed as though nothing had happened - there was no mark on me, and I felt cheerful and gay. In the bathroom, where the curious mushrooms grew, I note that a number 25 has been carved into the top left corner of the mirror, but it has been scored out and replaced with the number 24.

I am confused - what can this signify?

3 comments:

Dr. Anthony Gland said...

Horton, my boy, you have not been attending our meetings. Please do get in touch. I worry.

redrum said...

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Horton Carew said...

Dr Gland: I now believe I was dead at the time of our appointment which necessitated my absence. Deepest apologies. I will attempt to attend next week's.

Redrum: You are a famous racehorse who is now deceased. I do not know how you have entered the matrix, but please depart as you are making me uncomfortable.