Saturday, April 22, 2006

The Arrival of the Plates

I begin to feel uneasy. The Princess Diana collectible plates have arrived already - I only ordered them yesterday from an Ebay seller in Hull. My feedback tells me I have ordered items from this seller before but I have no recollection of how that panned out.

Each of the 3 dozen plates has a different design upon it, some of them depicting the princess holding children lovingly, and some depicting her smiling radiantly. Some of the designs are less savory, and I have discovered that when the plates are arranged in a specific order they form an illustrated story of Diana's life, featuring events such as the conceptions of both William and Harry, her struggle with bulimia nervosa, and her sad demise in a tunnel. Several of the last few designs in the pictorial sequence are somewhat too grisly to display upon a wall, and quite horrified me. This is someone's sick and depraved idea of a joke.

What has rendered me most miserable with fear is that the very last plate shows ME sitting at my computer typing up an entry on my electronic diary while the Princess shambles up behind me with a terrible expression upon her face...

...I dread to click 'Publish Post' and look behind me lest the picture prove true... heart pounds furiously in my chest, thumping out my death knell...


Edited to Add: ...on closer inspection of the plate, I realise it does not depict what I originally thought. What I took to be Princess Diana approaching me with a malevolent smirk was actually a picture of her brother Earl Spencer reading the very moving eulogy at the funeral, his face crumpled with grief. What I took to be me at a computer is actually Elton John at a piano playing his tribute to Marilyn Monroe which he hastily updated for the gig.


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