Wednesday, September 13, 2006

An Encounter with a Dwarf

Upon being released from my rank cell, a sharp tug at my neck reminded me that I remained enleashed, which means 'restrained in a leash'. At the other end of the leash I observed a swarthy dwarf with a great misshapen head and a shock of tangled, dishevelled hair. Never have I seen features so deeply marked with the hideous resemblance of Steven Tyler, lead singer of Aerosmith, save upon the face of Steven Tyler himself, of course.

The dwarf's thick lips curled back from his yellow teeth in a sneering grimace, and he spat upon me with evident delight. He forced me to crawl on all fours while he led me through endless corridors and he seldom failed of a smart word or two upon my current low state. I quickly resented my cruel treatment by that insolent cub, that malicious urchin, and longed to see him brought low(er). He stopped at a set of grand mahogany doors and knocked three times.

"Enter at once, you foul-breathed dunce", came a voice from within, at which I quailed, realising from the rhyme scheme that it was Bossert who spoke. At this cue, I was cruelly yanked into the room by that stunted brute.

"Master, I have brought the scum," said the dwarf. From behind a large mahogany desk, Bossert glanced coolly down at me, and to my surprised apologised to me in rhyme. True, he was forced to clumsily rhyme 'sorry' with 'quarry' as there is a great paucity of words that rhyme with 'sorry', but I was grateful for the gesture. He looked sternly at the miserable dwarf and said, "End this fiasco - fetch me tabasco!" to which the dwarf replied, "Right away, Monsieur Bossert".

As the dwarf scuttled lopsidedly out of the room, Bossert offered to have him drowned as recompense for his wicked treatment of me, but the dwarf at my entreaty had no other punishment than a sound whipping. Bossert laid his hand upon my shoulder and gently uttered these words:

I will now let you know of my devious plan,
You mentally weak and mephitic old man.

At this point, I will again break off my narrative to return to it at a later date. I wish to watch a programme on Channel 4 tonight called 9/11 Liars which sounds very intriguing - I want to find out whether there are indeed 9 or 11 liars involved and what they were lying about.

No comments: