Thursday, April 12, 2007

Becoming a Sham-Author: Part 2

Because I must convince the postgraduate that I am a real author and that 'Horton Carew' is a fictional character, I must do my utmost to stay in character throughout the interview if I am to secure the £5. To this end, I have created a persona for myself that would convince anyone, even P. D. Harris, the number one reviewer on Amazon.com and hence the person most knowledgable about books and authors in the world.

As related yesterday, I have modelled my appearance on such literary greats as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Terry Pratchett, OBE, who are both so good at authoring that royalty gave them titles. I have thus eschewed that view of writers as louche alcoholics, surviving on laudanum in pokey garrets, and gone instead for more workmanlike, down-to-earth craftsmen types. Tomorrow I will wear a shirt and tie and attempt to remain business like. I have fluffed up my moustache a little, but that is my only concession to flamboyance.

It strikes me that I will require a suitable name to go by. What sort of name would the author of a fictional electronic diary have? I feel initials are key to success. J. R. R. Tolkien, H. P. Lovecraft, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Poppy Z. Brite, and Thomas R.D all recognised this truth. Yes, an initial will be essential. A simple first name, a couple of initials, and an unusual surname: this formula will see me right.

Some possiblities:

Ben R. R. Glush
Joe H. L. Askew
Bill M. C. Tutternosker
Lee P. D. Florescu
Dave F. T. Civetbrawn
Steve L. J. Hubshuft
Andy W. C. DeKelb-Rittenhouse
Mark C. F. Krzywinska

I must settle on a name by tomorrow, for it is then that I must meet the postgraduate.

4 comments:

kennie pome said...

Hey,
Minor nitpick -Conan Doyle was knighted for writing a defense of his country's conduct during the Boer War and not for his ability as an author of fiction.
Just thought you'd like to know!
cheers,
KP (see you tomorrow btw)

Wilf said...

Ianesco M Moriaty seems appropriate somehow.
Good luck.

HORTON CAREW said...

Wilf: I like the middle initial 'M' and may use that in my pseudonym. It is just like the 'M' in the middle of 'Iain M. Banks'.

Mr Banks doesn't take much care of his middle initial though, because he loses it occasionally. I will not be so careless with my M.

Peter Durward Harris said...

Please note that I am NOT the number one reviewer on Amazon.com, merely number one reviewer on Amazon.co.uk, which is much easier to achieve, as I don't have to compete with Harriet Klausner and other crazies. Please also note that I mainly review music, not books, and that (so far) all my book reviews are of non-fiction material. Most of all, please also note that Amazon's method of determining who is number one (or any other number) is in any case seriously flawed. Finally, you may care to note that I've set up my own blog all about Amazon. Maybe you'd care to look at it sometime?