Friday, May 05, 2006

Arctic Roll

This is Arctic Roll, the preferred roll of those who dwell in the Arctic. It comprises the following key ingredients: devilishly sweet vanilla ice-cream fashioned into a cylinder, raspberry glue, and the dryest of sponges designed to engulf the ice-cream cylinder and protect it from the ravages of the wild Arctic winds.

Although we Brits have never developed the taste for such foodstuffs, such chilled treats are adored by eskimos who have acquired the taste for it through many generations of necessity.

As the candles failed to attract eskimo ghosts, I will set out a single Arctic Roll in my kitchen tonight and the ghosts of eskimos will surely flock to it like Orcadians to a cardiganned poet. I have placed it in a shoebox, which I will shut quickly the instant an eskimo-shaped phantom enters it, as they do on that film where they bust the ghosts - Ghostbreakers I think it's called.


Lavinia Carew said...

Son, I approve of your attempts to contact life beyond the grave.

Horton Carew said...

Who is this? To take on the name of my dead mother and post messages to me is cruel torment indeed.

If you really are my dead mother, prove it - what did I name the crab I found in the rockpools of Lunan Bay as a young boy?