Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Tempting the Dead

Although Father Bouffant admitted that he was a fraud, it has long been a cherished belief of mine that certain people in this world can commune with the spirit realm. I hope that I will soon be able to add myself to the ranks of those with this ability, for I aim to train myself in the art of spiritualism. If the likes of Derek Acorah and Jonathan Edwards can make vast acres of money by merely pretending to contact dead bodies, then imagine how wealthy and famous I shall be when I prove that I can do this for real!

I first had to ensure my home was welcoming to spooks, so I tore up some tissues and laid them carefully upon the living room carpet. I hoped this might persuade the ghosts of eskimos that I was willing to accomodate the winter wonderland environment to which they were accustomed in life. As far as I know, eskimos subsist chiefly on wax so I left out a few candles in order to tempt them out from their afterlives. I have also left out a carrot or two for their reindeer which guide their ghostly sleighs.

I will now retire to my bed and hope that I will receive a visit during the night.

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