Susurrations and murmurs can just now be heard emanating from the ant city. I have been spying on my insectoid invaders for much of today, though I allowed myself half an hour recess from observations to watch Come Dine With Me at 4:30pm, an excellent programme in which celebrities compete to host the best dinner party. Each time I watch it, I entertain unlikely fantasies of inviting the likes of Linda Robson, Roland Rivlon, or Sidney Poitier into my own home to treat them to a feast of my own devising. I would serve potted hough for starters, bible tripe as a main, and quince froth/cochineal as a dessert. I would probably win, but I would donate my winnings to charity as I believe it is immoral to profit from cookery.
I am still confused regarding the preponderance of Patrick Bossert iconography around ant city. At noon, I beheld the ant general lead a team of tough ants around the city. I saw that any ant they discovered not bowing to a statue or poster of Bossert as they passed was disciplined by being killed. These creatures are ruthless in their efficiancy. At 8:00pm I heard a great rumble of whispering scritching from the city. Every ant congregated in city squares and began an almost inaudible chant which continues as I speak.
Wait! Gentle reader, as I type, I hear a human voice! It seems to be saying, just on the cusp of hearing:
My ants, my ants, my nice little ants,
Do as I bid and you'll come to no harm,
Worship me ants, come sing and come dance,
I'll give you great strength and your foes I'll disarm.
Dear readers, I fear these ants may be mere pawns to some greater evil!
About Me
- HORTON CAREW
- Dundee, Scotland, United Kingdom
- I was born in a hovel in Dundee, the product of a union between a syphilitic scullion and a prominent biscuit maker. I went to school several times, and know some facts.
PREVIOUS ADVENTURES
- The FIRST ENTRY and consequent adventure involving seagulls and Uncle Ben
- A visit from Drs Flitey and Gland
- A bee theory and new punctuation
- A dalliance with immortality
- I become a published poet
- Ghosts and a grail quest
- A lengthy adventure wherein I am plagued by ants and Patrick Bossert (schoolboy cubemaster)
- I become a writer and theatre critic
- A terrifying adventure wherein my dead mother manifests and I become dreadfully evil
- I am interviewed by a postgraduate (good pictures of monkeys included)
- I become an artist, accidentally impregnate my art tutor, fall in love, then become incarcerated
- I formulate a plan to escape my grim asylum (I eventually succeed)
Some other electronic diaries which might reward an idle browse one afternoon.
- Professor Jessica Flitey - she is writing a monograph about me
- Dr. Stu - the musings of a Computing lecturer - as exciting as it sounds!
- Wilf's World - the enthusiastic thoughts of a canny youngster
- Peep This Diary - three 17th Century gentlemen somehow have access to the internet
- The Space Blog of Alfie Haggis - Mr Haggis needs your help
- Groanin' Jock - the groanin's (groanings) of the eponymous Jock (Scot)
- The Germaine Truth - strange goings on in Oregon
2 comments:
Mr Carew, this recent development is intriguing. I begin to wonder if these ants are perhaps extra-terristrial in origin.
There is much in the existing literature to support this conjecture.
If you get a chance, tell me if the ants have more than two funiculi each - if so please attempt to capture one for me - this sounds very like a case recorded in 1985, where the 'ants' were proven to be extra-terristrial. Unfortunately no specimens remain from that case - it would be something of a coup to capture one of these aliens for further study. Fascinating!
Blessings be,
Professor Jess
x
Dear Professor Angela,
I have examined the ants as closely as I can, but I am afraid they are possessed of only two funiculi each. I did briefly think I saw one with three scapes, but I was mistaken - that ant was actually balancing the leg of a daddylongleg upon its mandibles for sport.
Sorry.
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