Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Another Letter to London

Again no reply from the lawyers! I begin to think the original electronic mail was bogus, sent by some wag to alarm me. Nevertheless, I turned once more to What Shall I Say? A Complete Letter-Writer for Every Occasion for guidance in case the lawyers are genuine.

I wanted an example of a formal letter in which the writer forcibly voices disapproval for some slight similar to that of the lawyer Godfrey Norton failing to respond to me. Example 77a. To Cease Attentions. From a Father (p. 62) seemed to answer my requirements reasonably well, so I sent that off to the law firm this afternoon. Here is a copy:

Dear Godfrey Norton,

My daughter Agnes informs me that you have lately made it your business to intrude upon her most persistently during her homeward journeys from the office where she is employed, and that you have even pressed your attentions upon her at the public restaurant where she takes her lunch.

I am writing now to say most firmly that these attentions are viewed by my daughter with the greatest disfavour and I hope you will desist immediately from giving such annoyance.

Yours faithfully,
Horton Carew.

Re-reading this now, I cannot help but wonder if Godfrey Norton will be more confused than anything else, for you must know that I do not have, nor ever have had, a daughter called Agnes, and he has shown no interest in pestering her inappropriately. Even if I did possess a daughter by the name of Agnes, I would have no qualms in permitting a wealthy London lawyer to court her. She should be grateful for whatever attention she gets as she is certainly no looker. We have always struggled for money, and we cannot afford to turn down a swanky London lawyer - this could be the making of her! Agnes, what are you thinking of?

With this in mind, I have hastily sent Godfrey Norton an additional electronic mail. It went as follows:

Dearest Godfrey,

Further to my earlier letter, I have reconsidered my position and would like you to know that you can pursue Agnes to your heart's content. Keep plugging away at her and she's bound to cave in eventually. Good luck to you sir!

Yours faithfully,
Horton Carew

P.S. She adores chocolate limes. Use this information however you wish.

There now, that should get our lawyer man back on side. I hope we get a reply shortly, for Agnes's sake.

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