Monday, October 09, 2006

A Second Reply to Godfrey Norton

Ladies and gentlemen, I have still not received a reply from Godfrey Norton the lawyer. I reasoned that he must be in some way affronted by my casual letter. Not intending him any offence, I wrote another electronic mail to him, but made every effort to do it properly and officially.

I consulted my copy of What Shall I Say? A Complete Letter-Writer for Every Occasion (London: George Newnes, c.1900) which gives examples of letters for considerably less than every conceivable occasion. I say this as it offered no blueprint for a letter to admonish a lawyer for slackness of reply.

The best I could find was No. 80: Reproaching a Lover (p. 64) which I sent off to Godfrey Norton this morning via electronic mail. I had to adapt some of it, but I sought to keep as much of the mannerly and polished prose in tact, as it is bound to make a good impression. Below is a copy of the letter I sent:

My dear Godfrey,

It is only after very careful and anxious thought that I am writing this letter, and it is because I have felt that you are growing cold towards me that I am doing so. Your office affairs seem to fill far more of your time than they did in the first glamour of our engagement. You used then to play tennis with me every week-end, but now you have taken up cricket instead. Even on Sundays you appear to prefer motoring with the Wilkinsons to taking walks with me.

I know there is no other client in this case, Godfrey, but it does seem to me that there is a growing coldness between us, and it is simply breaking my heart. Do come to-morrow evening and let us talk the whole matter over, dear. I love you more than ever, but cannot help feeling that matters must not continue as they are. Shall I send back your ring?

Your loving
Horton.

I do hope this will do the trick.

1 comment:

blackfacejynx said...

Youll have offended him now horton watch out or he'll getcha!

lawyers SUX >:-(