Tuesday, August 08, 2006


Today I have had to smite yet more of my worshippers, this time for their indiscipline. To test their faith and endurance and to get them used to hardship, I declared than none of them would be permitted to eat anything for the day while they continued their strenuous exercise regimes. Around late afternoon many of the baby ants began to tire with exhaustion, collapsing under the weight of the pebbles I bade them carry.

I became wrathful and ordered these ants to stop being exhausted, but they did not obey so I was left with no option but to smite them with a rolled up newspaper. Many adult ants became discouraged at seeing their young pulped beneath The Evening Telegraph but I ordered them to stop feeling grief and dismay. Those that disobeyed, I set aflame.

Many ants watched in horror as their kin burned before their compound eyes, and were momentarily stunned and unable to move. I ordered them to stop being horrorstruck and continue working. Those that disobeyed, I sprayed with aerosol deodorant until they expired, encrusted with powdery residue.

I am tired with all this smiting and not a little annoyed with my ants for making me resort to such barbaric practises. They are intolerably selfish in this regard.

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