Friday, August 11, 2006


I am weary. I have now smitten all but one of my ants - my thumbs are aching with the strain of crushing thousands of them and my carpet is stained with their seepage. It sounds needlessly wrathful, but I was just. None would obey my commands. On Thursday, I tired of their laziness in failing to lay me a patio, so I bade them smite themselves. Only a few obeyed, and I let those ones off with a smiting, but those that disobeyed I was obliged to smite with great vengeance.

I spared a single ant because I did not want to fully deplete my army. I understand that ants are like worms - if you cut them in two, both halves survive and live healthy independent lives. This evening I have split the remaining ant in half and await the regeneration process. I will then cut each of those ants in half and then those ants in half too. I will go on doubling my army until I have 34,359,738,368 ants or an Er2 message on my calculator, depending on what comes first. While I wait for the doubling process to begin, I am sipping tepid Tizer to revive my strength.

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