Monday, January 01, 2007

Hogmanay 2006 and New Year 2007

Happy New Year, dear readers! To celebrate Hogmanay yesterday night I switched on the television and prepared to settle down for an evening of entertainment on BBC Scotland with the cream of Scottish show business talent. I gave it 4 minutes before abandoning the scheme as a bad one. There is only so much of Jackie Bird that one man can handle.

I was forced to leave my home and seek refuge in a public house for the night. As I consider myself quite an upmarket person, I decided to venture into the plush suburb of Broughty Ferry and spend the evening there, celebrating with my fellow men and women. I did not know which taverns were good, so I settled upon one called Jollity's Hotel. It was altogether too noisy and was filled with drunk tattooed men and low slatterns, but I decided to stay for a few drinks.

I ordered a Crabbie's Green Ginger Wine from one of the barkeeps then sat in a corner to await the bells. Youngsters gyrated around my table, moving their bodies in time to such tunes as Dolly Parton's Nine to Five and the Divinyl's I Touch Myself. A 'Disc Jockey' (one who jockeys discs) occassionally interjected to remind the assembled throng that it was Hogmanay 2006 and that it would be 2007 come midnight. The crowd appreciated these reminders and thanked the 'DJ' for providing this information by raucously cheering.

When the midnight bells came around, the people sang 'Auld Lang Syne' and exchanged kisses. None of the people offered kisses to me. Neither did they wish to hold my hands for the 'Auld Lang Syne' dance. It became apparent to me that I am unpopular and that I bother people.

This is a hard lesson to bear on the first day of 2007. I should have stuck with Jackie Bird.

1 comment:

City Slicker said...

Just came across your blog for thhe first time.
Enjoyed the read. Keep blogging :-)