Friday, March 16, 2007

Dr Anthony Gland Pays a Visit

Hello halfwits!! On Wednesday evening I received a visit from an overwrought Dr Anthony Gland who was accompanied by two policemen. Before I had time to invite them in, the policemen stormed through the hall to my bedroom where the weeping Pole was bound and gagged, awaiting a skinning. As they did so, Dr Anthony Gland talked slowly and gently to me and reassured me that everything was okay now. He explained in measured tones, as though talking to a child or a simpleton, that he had read of my recent actions on my blog and was deeply concerned about my welfare and the welfare of the unnamed Pole.

"Tell him you made it up," my dead mother hissed. Evidently she communicated telepathically for Gland heard none of it.

"My dear man," I said, "Forgive me for the confusion caused, but I simply made all that business up. It is mere fiction. Dark subject matter of course, and certainly not to everyone's tastes, but fictional nonetheless. You did not seriously believe that I had abducted a Pole and meant to skin him? Why, it's palpably absurd!"

At this point, the policemen reappeared and urged Gland to accompany them to the room where the bruised and bloody Pole lay quivering on the floor. Well, I was certain then that the game was up and my indiscretion would be uncovered - there was no denying I had a bound Pole in my room. I followed them and was alarmed to see that in place of the weeping Pole, there was a collection of pillows tightly restrained by a length of stout rope.

"I have bewitched them Horton," my mother whispered, "They believe that the man is a mere pillow effigy crudely decked out to look like a Pole. Go with it Horton and all will be well."

"Is this the Polish man you wrote about on your weblog Horton?" asked Gland, indicating the pillows.

"Of course!" I said, "You see? The whole thing was a mere fabrication! This collection of pillows is no more a Pole than you are a jar of tartare sauce. Now that this is settled, would you care for some Um Bongo?"

The policemen, peeved at having their time wasted, gave the house a cursory once over then left. Gland spent some time talking quietly to me about any worries I might have and any strange ideas I might be having. He told me to phone him if ever I felt angry or glum, to which I agreed.

As soon as he left, the sound of weeping could once again be heard. Checking my bedroom, the pillow effigy had returned to its true state as a trussed up Pole. He knew he had been naughty, that Pole, and sensed that his punishment would be swift and sharp.

The Pole in his form as a pillow effigy


Dr Anthony Gland said...

To the readers of Horton's weblog:

Please rest assured that I have worked with Horton for several years now and am satisfied that he would never cause harm to anyone.

The nature of his condition means that he is often subject to delusions. Sometimes alarming ones. I have encouraged him to keep a record of these on his weblog and that is what you're reading about now. I have found with other patients that writing is therapeutic and helps them to work through their problems.

Do not worry - there is no one in any danger at the moment. I felt a professional duty to check up on him last night in case he had caused any harm to himself but I'm satisfied that this is simply a delusion he must work through.

It might make for upsetting reading, but be assured that there is no one in any danger. It is important for Horton that he work through this current episode. It should be plain that he is suffering hallucinations from the fact that he believes it is possible to bewitch people into believing a real person is actually a 'pillow effigy'. Obvious nonsense.

Dr Anthony Gland

Professor Jessica Flitey said...

Dr Gland, your ignorance is alarming. Mr Carew faces and has faced genuine supernatural phenomenon. They cannot be brushed aside to fit your close-minded worldview where everything odd is explained away as 'delusions'.

Based on things I have witnessed in the past, I have no doubt that the spirit of Mr Carew's mother holds some influence over him. I also have no doubt that he is currently evil and has captured a man. Why don't I do anything to prevent this? Evil is a tangible thing and evil things must be allowed to take place for equilibrium to be retained.

I wish you luck Mr Carew.
Blessings be,
Professor Jessica Flitey

Dr Anthony Gland said...

Poppycock woman! Do you even know what you're talking about anymore?

Having an open mind is one thing, but to sit there and say you believe Horton's account 100% is utter BS!

You have backed the wrong horse here - your precious book on Horton's 'supernatural encounters' (ha!) is looking more and more stupid everyday, but you're too proud to admit you were wrong!

Professor Jessica Flitey said...

Dr Gland,

I refuse to converse further with anyone who uses the word 'BS' and who addresses me as 'woman'. How insulting.

Prof. Jess

Dr Anthony Gland said...

What, aren't you a woman? My mistake!

Professor Jessica Flitey said...

You are immature beyond words.

Anonymous said...


Wilf said...

I think that Pole needs a wash.