Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I Explore my Evil Nature

Greetings halfwits!! I have continued my life of evilness with a great deal of pleasure. Yesterday I put potato peelings and banana skins into my general waste wheelie bin and failed to put them into my organic waste wheelie bin. Dundee City Council will no doubt be furious when they learn of this, because it is as though I am completely belittling their efforts to encourage us to be more environmentally friendly. Because I am so dreadfully evil, this thought amuses me greatly. My laugh, which has heretofore been a modest 'ha ha ha' has now aquired the prefix 'bw-' and the suffix '-aaaaaaah!!" in deference to my new evil status. Hence, when now I chuckle, my laugh is as follows: 'Bwah ha ha haaaaaaah!!'.

The day before yesterday, I stole a copy of Sliding Doors from HMV. That is correct - I did not give the cashier the £2.99 cost of the DVD - I simply took it for my own without any money changing hands, so evil am I. The film stars Gwyneth Paltrow as a women with two different hairstyles, and the man from Four Weddings and a Funeral as an ingratiating Scot. There's also something about alternative universes but not done very well because there are no evil twins involved.

The day before the day before yesterday I snuck into the Wellgate library and folded over the page corners of selected books by Kathy Reichs. Untraceable to me of course, but it gives me a certain amount of malevolent glee to think of various future readers being irked by the folded pages. Bwah ha ha haaaaaaaaaah!!

Today I saw a child dressed as Peter Pan collecting money for Comic Relief. I gave her nothing save a sneer of contempt. The look of disappointment on her crestfallen face warmed my black heart for the rest of the day. I do so love being evil. You halfwits!

1 comment:

Duncan Bannatyne, OBE said...

You're doing well with the wickedness Horton. Keep it up and soon you'll be rich like me.