Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Bee Searching

To begin my pioneering study of bees, I have decided I must look every inch the scientist. I cannot afford a Science-gown or Science-cuffs, so I have had to make do with oiling my hair and squinting.

My study requires that I find a ready source of bees. I have searched around my home for hives but there are none to be found. However, I did find a great many earwigs beneath the carpet in the bathroom. I quickly scanned their bellies for teats, but none of them possessed any, so I crushed the majority of them under my thumbs.

I have often heard a buzzing from the basement, which I have, at times, optimistically attributed to bees, but for obvious reasons I cannot go down there to confirm this. My study seems snookered before it has begun. I have a few ideas as to how to catch upwards of three bees tomorrow, using an old trick I picked up in the Sudan. I can only hint at this technique, for I was sworn to secrecy by the student nurse who told me of it.


Stuart Kerrigan said...

Horton, with regards to your cellar phobia I propose you build a remote control robot and mount a webcam to explore your cellar for bees from the comfort of your banana hammock.

Horton Carew said...

Why, that's just crazy talk.