Tuesday, February 28, 2006


I have found that the curd of the bee has strange properties when ingested. After I had consumed the curd, I was overcome with a dangerous vexation, and felt an urgency in my bowels that I have never experienced before or since. I was compelled to empty my guts immediately and with extreme rapidity, but not through the usual channels, and on that grim matter I can reveal no more for fear of offending my female readership.

That unpleasantness over, I felt a sharp tingle at the base of my spine, which I at first attributed to a teaspoon that had I swallowed as a child, but I quickly discerned that I had developed a painful carbuncle on my lower back. I wasted no time in pouring Domestos onto the infected area to destroy any germs, but counter-intuitively, this only aggravated the pimple.

When I try to prod or squeeze the area, my fingers ache and swell. I fear I may be turning into some form of bee, and this abscess is the first evidence of a sting growing.

I hope I am not one of those bees that dies when it administers its sting, for I have already stung my own handz fifteen time today.

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