Monday, February 13, 2006


My day has been largely successful. Within the week, I am to accept a female professor and her colleagues into my home, alongside a party of psychiatric specialists, so I feel honour-bound to offer them a suitable level of hospitality. To this end, I rose at dawn and risked a day in public in order to visit the shops.

My first stop was a bric-a-brac emporium called Save the Children, where I consulted a moldering pocket dictionary to pick up some ideas of the types of item I might purchase today. I had not got a quarter of the way through the 'A' section before the shopkeep, a wispy-chinned baggage in a cardigan, shooed me away.

The next place I happened upon was a food-pill shop. There they sold futuristic capsules of food arranged in jars along shelves. A whole meal contained in one small pill! I confess that this idea excited me, so I spent all my money here. For fruit, I bought one rhubarb&custard pill, one apple drop pill, one pineapple chunk pill, and one strawberry&cream pill. For protein, I bought one fizzy fish pill, and, feeling somewhat adventurous, I tried a Bull's Eye pill, which is apparently a delicacy in some of those Arab places. For beverages, I bought a cola cube pill, a beer bottle pill, and a milk drop pill.

All these meals should last me a week, and they only cost me 12 pence altogether. I am a shrewd consumer!


Uncle Joe said...

I see much hunger in your futurrreeee...

Stuart Kerrigan said...

Ignore the weird subliminal stuff from this guy that seems to appear in your comments - what other shops did you frequent Horty?

Horton Carew said...

Hello my old crony! I omitted to mention that I also visited a barber, where I picked up an abundance of human hair. They let you have it for free - just ask!

Excellent source of protein.