I was awoken at 11:00am by my saintly protector, who laid a package by my feet and announced that the postman had been. Inside was a Gremlins 2: The New Batch thermos flask, which I have no memory of ordering, but the accompanying note assures me that I bought this through Ebay from a seller in Hull. The note thanks me for my purchase but seems excessively eager for me to leave positive feedback as soon as possible.
The flask is attractive as far as these things go, but I hear liquid inside sloshing about. The Ebay listing had promised that the item was "BARND NEW!!! UNUSED! RARE!!!" but I see now that this was an untruth. I unscrewed the lid and was met with a foul odour that caused a small amount of vomit to escape up my gullet.
"Yassuh, that's rancid coconut milk, shaw as the day I was bawn," said Uncle Ben. "There is some Hoodoo at work here, you can be shaw of that. Yassuh."
This has put a dampener on the day. Uncle Ben has spent many hours chanting and sprinkling burning herbs onto the flask in an effort to dispel any bad mojo that may have....
Help! Something is happening right now! I must go at once to the aid of he who helped me.
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