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About Me
- HORTON CAREW
- Dundee, Scotland, United Kingdom
- I was born in a hovel in Dundee, the product of a union between a syphilitic scullion and a prominent biscuit maker. I went to school several times, and know some facts.
PREVIOUS ADVENTURES
- The FIRST ENTRY and consequent adventure involving seagulls and Uncle Ben
- A visit from Drs Flitey and Gland
- A bee theory and new punctuation
- A dalliance with immortality
- I become a published poet
- Ghosts and a grail quest
- A lengthy adventure wherein I am plagued by ants and Patrick Bossert (schoolboy cubemaster)
- I become a writer and theatre critic
- A terrifying adventure wherein my dead mother manifests and I become dreadfully evil
- I am interviewed by a postgraduate (good pictures of monkeys included)
- I become an artist, accidentally impregnate my art tutor, fall in love, then become incarcerated
- I formulate a plan to escape my grim asylum (I eventually succeed)
Blog Archive
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2006
(148)
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February
(23)
- Buzzing
- Bee Curd
- Notes on the Bee
- A Fortuitous Discovery
- Absence of Bees
- Bee Searching
- A Bee Theory
- Yesterday's Visit Described
- Anxious to Impress
- Anticipating Scholars
- Saint Valentine's Day
- Shopping
- Preparing For Guests
- A Day Given Over to Idleness
- Respite
- .... . / .... ._ ... / _ _ . ... . _. _.. / .......
- Uncle Ben Departs
- again I am fine
- a further up-date to calm my readers
- The Grimmest of Updates
- a further message from HORTON
- A Curious Thermos
- Recuperating with Uncle Ben
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February
(23)
Some other electronic diaries which might reward an idle browse one afternoon.
- Professor Jessica Flitey - she is writing a monograph about me
- Dr. Stu - the musings of a Computing lecturer - as exciting as it sounds!
- Wilf's World - the enthusiastic thoughts of a canny youngster
- Peep This Diary - three 17th Century gentlemen somehow have access to the internet
- The Space Blog of Alfie Haggis - Mr Haggis needs your help
- Groanin' Jock - the groanin's (groanings) of the eponymous Jock (Scot)
- The Germaine Truth - strange goings on in Oregon
9 comments:
Horton, I am not angry with you for putting the Labiatae! virus upon my computer. Please get in touch as soon as possible. My secretary tells me she has been unable to make contact with you for the last few weeks. We are all a little concerned about your well-being.
I feel this 'blog' should be abandoned as it has not offered the Labiatae! benefits I had hoped.
I can't resist posting again. Dr. Gland, have you not read my previous comments? Mr Carew is not in a depression or in some psychological turmoil - he is in very real supernatural danger. His life may be at stake here.
I am sending a team out to his home shortly, made up of several academic colleages and a Catholic Priest.
Professor Flitey, do not send a team! As Horton's psychiatrist, it would be incredibly damaging to Horton's Labiatae! psychological well-being for you to continue nourishing his fantasy and treating it as though it were real!
This is extraordinarily crass and inexcusable! I will not allow this! If you proceed, I will report you to the Board of Ethics! Labiatae!
Dr. Gland, I appreciate your concern, but you are well and truly out of your depth here.
By all means, feel free to contact the Board of Ethics on this matter. My husband, Dr. Ghoti Flitey, who is Head of the Board of Ethics, will no doubt welcome your concern.
Blessings Be.
Labiatae! In that case, I will send a team round to Horton's home too! I can't stand idly by when people are out to exploit his mental illness to get a Labiatae! book or two out of it! Outrageous!
Dr. Gland, I have been discussing this with my colleagues and we feel that Mr. Carew would benefit greatly if you no longer interfered.
Repeatedly insisting that the things he sees and experiences are not real will only confuse and disorientate him, especially as we have proof that he truly is a locus for supernatural phenomena.
I must therefore formally ask that you cease your sessions with Mr. Carew.
Oh, come on now Labiatae!. Who are you to tell me how to conduct my business?! I am a fully trained Psychiatrist working to help a deluded young man. You Labiatae! on the other hand, are some Mickey Mouse Professor of Balderdash and Chicanery, who wants to make a quick Labiatae! buck out of him!
I will not stop trying to help Horton. I suggest you cease!
Dr. Gland, as I argued in the paper "You Are Feeling Sleepy: Psychiatry as Modern-day Mesmerism", Journal of Scientology, September 1998, the interference of a psychiatrist in supernatural cases can be very detrimental to the patient.
You may know the 1997 case of Leicester teenager, Elsie Fopp, who was daily visited by the spirit of Al Jolson over a period of several months.
She was treated by a well-meaning psychiatrist, who went through the usual proceedure of trying to convince her that the spirit was merely a hallucination, which she eventually came to believe.
I also investigated, and discovered Jolson's spirit was actually genuine, and that he simply wanted to pass on a message from the afterlife, in this case that he was sorry about all that blackface business, and that it was a product of the time and he didn't mean to offend anyone with it.
As Fopp had ignored him, thanks to the advice of the psychiatrist, Jolson's spirit turned impatient and spiteful, and started to break crockery. He also exacted a terrible revenge on Fopp, making her permanently appear to be wearing blackface make-up. She is now offensive to all right-thinking people, and regularly gets pelted with fruit in the streets of Leicester.
Please, leave well alone in Horton's case, because you will only cause him similar damage.
Blessings Be.
Professor Flitey, I am aware of the Fopp case, and I don't believe for one Labiatae! minute that Al Jolson's ghost has anything to do with it!
Jolson's ghost is recorded as being in Aberystwyth during that period!
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